I’m missing bits of my gray matter, and the loss of a $650 dollar boobtube is what wakes me up. Go figure. I had obviously been shot, and not in a good place, but I was breathing and all of that good, vital stuff, and was functioning quite well, considering. I helped myself up with the bedpost-arms worked-legs worked (little shaky)-and the crapper definitely still worked. Standing up elicited a mini-mudslide down the backs of my legs. My first order of business was to quell the answering machine’s ‘It’s over’ chant. I shambled over to the dresser and plucked it from its hangman’s pose over the side. I bashed it off of the corner of its perch. One blow and all was silent, save the beat of the bass drum in my temple. The thought never really occurred to me that the purveyor of all this chaos might still have been in the house, or if my parents and two younger brothers were safe. Don’t ask me why. Shock, I guess. I was in pain, and highly disgusted. Numb to the world– mentally, at. Not quite the kind of twitch that you get when you’re falling asleep, but close–she’s so relaxed now, her muscles completely limp and exhausted from their involuntary workout and her mind still drugging itself with dopamine and oxytocin. She smiles, remembering the first time she and Robyn made love. It was all about the hormones back then. ‘Aren’t you curious, Robyn? They call it the ‘love’ hormone, or the ‘trust’ hormone, but we don’t really know how much of that is true and how much of it is clickbait bullshit.’ It wasn’t the usual kind of come-on, but then again, Susannah wasn’t looking for the usual kind of relationship. Not back then. Now, she can’t imagine life without Robyn stroking her shoulder, saying to her, ‘Feel my voice, wrapping you up like a warm, soft blanket. You know you can always relax completely like this with me. You know that I will always take good care of you. Even when the peace in your mind deepens to sleep, and when that sleep refreshes you back to.
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